An underappreciated art form--in some ways closer to poetry than to prose. The goods ones make an argument or tell a joke or story in an impossibly small number of words.
Consider one of my favorites: "What If They Had a War and Nobody Came?" Nine words to sketch a profound and debatable point--that there is no "they," that state action always comes down to choices by individuals. Auden did it in eight--"There is no such thing as the state"--but not as well. The same point is, I hope, one of the ideas implicit in the novel I have forthcoming from Baen this spring--but it took me a lot more words.
Or, another favorite of mine, "Don't Commit Suicide: It is Illegal to Destroy Government Property." My wife offers, as a different example of the same art form, the title of an essay by Thomas Sowell: "Pink and Brown People." And, for maximum offensiveness in minimum words: "Nuke the Whales."
Herewith two of mine, both for specialized audiences. One, intended as a button to be sold at events of the Federalist Society: "Lochner v. New York was Rightly Decided." The other, a bumper sticker for those of us who spend too much time in multiplayer online games: "My Alt is a BMW."
Commenters are invited to post their favorites.
Consider one of my favorites: "What If They Had a War and Nobody Came?" Nine words to sketch a profound and debatable point--that there is no "they," that state action always comes down to choices by individuals. Auden did it in eight--"There is no such thing as the state"--but not as well. The same point is, I hope, one of the ideas implicit in the novel I have forthcoming from Baen this spring--but it took me a lot more words.
Or, another favorite of mine, "Don't Commit Suicide: It is Illegal to Destroy Government Property." My wife offers, as a different example of the same art form, the title of an essay by Thomas Sowell: "Pink and Brown People." And, for maximum offensiveness in minimum words: "Nuke the Whales."
Herewith two of mine, both for specialized audiences. One, intended as a button to be sold at events of the Federalist Society: "Lochner v. New York was Rightly Decided." The other, a bumper sticker for those of us who spend too much time in multiplayer online games: "My Alt is a BMW."
Commenters are invited to post their favorites.
47 comments:
Display some adaptability.
Remember.
But move forward, too. Light a candle, yes. But also drive a rivet.
Get to low-earth orbit and you're halfway to anywhere in the solar system.
Don't steal. The government HATES competition.
Don't drive faster than your guardian angel can fly.
I like "Real Rebels Don't Support Centralized State Authority."
"If you vote, you have no right to complain"
A favorite among gun rights enthusiasts:
"Ted Kennedy's Car Has Killed More People Than My Gun."
I've been thinking of putting this one together and selling it:
"Better a failed businessman than a successful politician."
Mine says "PLEASE DON'T FEED THE GOVERNMENT"
"The beauty of the second amendment is that it will not be needed until they try to take it."
~ Thomas Jefferson
I had this one on CafePress for a awhile.
""The beauty of the second amendment is that it will not be needed until they try to take it."
~ Thomas Jefferson"
Not bad, although a bit wordy. Do you have any evidence Jefferson actually said it? It sounds more like a modern comment.
"Nuke the Whales" is brief but the whole saying achieves maximum offense:
"Nuke the Gay Whales for Jesus"
Your instincts are right, David. That Jefferson quote is, unfortunately, not real. This one, however, is authentic (if verbose):
"One loves to possess arms, though they hope never to have occasion for them." --Thomas Jefferson
"Vote or Die" - Puff Daddy
"Giant Douche or Turd Sandwich" - South Park
Whether you agree with the sentiment or not "Choose Life" does pretty well for two words.
"US Out of North America!"
"Choose Life"
Both are punchy, but I find both ambiguous. The first could either be an anarchist slogan or a deliberate spoof of an anti-Vietnam War (or anti-Gulf War or ...) slogan, designed to make fun of the anti-war position. The second could be anti-abortion, or anti-death penalty, or any of a variety of other things.
Along the lines of spoof slogans, I'm fond of "Reunite Gondwanaland."
"Real Rebels Don't Support Centralized State Authority" is too explicit and preachy for my taste. "Real Rebels Don't Fight for Power" might make the point better.
"Dog is my co-pilot"
I prefer two bumper stickers next to each other. The first says "Question Authority!"
The second: "Why?"
Not a bumpersticker, but close:
"Jesus died for my sins, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt."
Don't give all your baskets to one egghead.
Not a bumpersticker, it was Arthur Clarke warning against too centralized planning & devolopment for space.
Guns cause crime like flies cause garbage.
not political....but one of my favorites as a kid:
"Meter maids eat their young."
The funniest far-right bumper sticker I've ever seen:
"To find Jesus, turn right and go straight!"
Earth First- We'll log the other planets later.
Jesus is Coming. Look Busy.
I'd Rather Be Driving.
God is Not a Republican... or a Democrat.
From _Oath of Fealty_:
"Think of it as evolution in action."
"An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind"
I always wanted to get a Darwin fish and a Jesus fish, face them together, and surround them with hearts.
A button, white type on a red background:
"ANARCHISTS UNITE!"
I've had mine for more than 30 years.
I made up a rather wordy one a few years back...
"Congress spends half its time with its thumb up its arse, and the other half with its fingers in everyone's pies; this explains the bad taste in your mouth."
To annoy nearly everyone, I conceived a two-sided t-shirt, years ago, but never did anything with it. Side A: "Put religion back in the schools" and Side B: "and put the Coke back in Coca-Cola."
Doesn't quite encapsulate my philosophy, however. Some election years, this does, though: "I'm Pro-choice so I DON'T Vote!"
Vote from the rooftops.
Speed on brother, Hell aint half full.
I may be slow, but I'm ahead of you.
If you can read this, you're driving upside down.
Not all who wander are lost.
-Tolkien
Who would Jesus bomb?
A variant on one posted earlier:
Earth first, we'll mine the other planets later.
We're making enemies faster than we can kill them.
And finally, a button given to me by a girlfriend of mine many years ago:
I smile because I don't know what's going on.
Not political, but an old favorite:
MY KARMA RAN OVER YOUR DOGMA
Plus the one I wished I had used when Hillary was running:
DON'T LET NEW YORK GO TO HELL IN A CARPETBAG
Government is for slaves
Free men govern themselves
Wirkman Virkkala's comment reminded me of a shirt a friend of mine used to have.
On the front it said, "Have you forgotten about Jesus?"
Then, on the back it said, "Isn't it about time you did?"
Of course, you can't do better than Nancy Leibowitz's buttons:
http://www.nancybuttons.com/
In the 1973 movie Sleeper, Miles Monroe (Woody Allen) is accidentally being frozen down for 200 years. He wakes up in 2173, only to find out that the US has become a fascist style police state. He falls in love with a girl, and joins her in a revolutionary underground movement.
In one scene, they run into a 200 year old, run-down, car with the funniest bumper sticker:
"REGISTER COMMIES, NOT GUNS."
The girlfriend doesn’t understand the message, and hence Miles Monroe explains:
“Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. There was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens.”
A number of years ago in Louisiana we had a corrupt former governor (now in Prison) running against a former wizard of the Klan. I had a bumper sticker which said "Vote for the Crook - Its important"
Nothing below is original, but H.L. Mencken is always good for a quip.
Adultery is the application of democracy to love. (H.L. Mencken)
Democracy: The worship of jackals by jackasses. (H.L. Mencken)
Communism comes by way of rape, socialism by seduction. (Charles Adams)
Not a bumper sticker, but a ritual phrase my wife and I say whenever a police car drives past at high speed with lights flashing:
"There's nothing worse than cold pizza"
Some years ago, at a gas station somewhere in the deepest south, I found a bumper sticker with the following message:
"WORK HARDER - MILLIONS ON WELFARE DEPEND ON YOU"
I still got it attached to the wall in my office. The sad part is, though, that it is just as relevant where I live, in Sweden, a country with merely 9 million inhabitants...
At the same gas station I found a nice baseball hat with a lighter message, simple and clear cut:
“EVERYDAY I ADD TO THE LIST OF PEOPLE WHO CAN KISS MY A**”
One more idea of mine--a T-shirt for my kids:
Front: Agent of Entropy
Back: It's not just chaos, it's the law.
A t-shirt that says "Pedro lacks political experience"
WWJD? JWRTFM!
David,
Not my favorites, but the three stickers currently on my bumper:
"Remember, the government big enough to give you everything want is big enough to take away everything you have."
"No taxation... period."
"I wish I could go back in time and murder FDR."
I was a more rambunctious libertarian when I bought them.
I'm curious, David, as to your fondness for the Lochner decision. It's distinctly anti-federalist, and--if you think that federalism is a good thing--there's a bit of tension there. How do you justify thinking it was right?
Originalist grounds? Or just a provocative thing to say?
"I'm curious, David, as to your fondness for the Lochner decision. It's distinctly anti-federalist, and--if you think that federalism is a good thing--there's a bit of tension there. How do you justify thinking it was right?
Originalist grounds? Or just a provocative thing to say?"
Mainly to be provocative.
I think Lochner's originalist grounds are pretty shaky. Some years ago, I published in _Liberty_ a review of a biography of Stephen Field. I entitled it "Earl Warren in a White Hat." So far as I can tell, Field did what Warren was accused of doing--first decided what the Constitution ought to say, and then went looking for some way of claiming it said it.
The difference, of course, is that Field was, on the whole, on the right side. The Constitution ought to protect freedom of exchange and freedom of contract.
The difference, of course, is that Field was, on the whole, on the right side. The Constitution ought to protect freedom of exchange and freedom of contract.
At the price of federalism?
"If you vote, you have no right to complain"
I think that's George Carlin.
Maybe someone has said: "Freedom can't be legislated."
Give Iraq OUR constitution; we're not using it.
Vote Libertarian and win a free country!
I wonder if that last one qualifies as vote buying?
Gov't attracts thieves like shit attracts flies.
The means determine the ends.
I had a custom bumper sticker made that has a big red "X" through, "Article I, Section 8, Clause 3", which is of course the commerce clause. It's mainly good as a conversation starter, since few people would know off hand what it meant.
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